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Now I’ve got your attention with the title, this week on the Open Book Blog Hop we’re talking about…….Sex – it’s everywhere; on TV, even in the news, and in books and magazines. How do you deal with it? How do you feel about it?
Of course how you feel about sex depends a lot on your age and whether you are male or female. No doubt I am of a different opinion to most because I’m an older, world-weary female, and as far as I’m concerned, most of the population seems obsessed with what to me is a very private matter, and it saddens me immensely.
As a younger woman I was unworldly and lived in ignorance of the effects of my husband’s addiction to porn. Now, with the knowledge of how damaging a sex addiction can be, combined with being six years into my rocky journey down Menopause Alley, I can happily say that these days I’m quite content with not having to see or read about anybody else’s genitalia for the rest of my life! In fact, I’d even go so far as to say that I’d definitely rather have a hot dinner instead! I’ve only got to read the word ‘sexy’ in a book blurb, and that will turn me off straight away and make me emit a very un-erotic moan……
I actually feel sorry for today’s young men, full of raging hormones and having to deal with the constant bombardment from provocatively dressed women and graphic sex scenes portrayed in modern-day films, on TV, and in books and magazines. Of course they are no doubt quite happy in discovering such ‘treasures’, but then they might want to experiment further and veer towards internet porn, which only serves to degrade women and depict them as sex objects, and could possibly start those of an addictive nature off on a downward slide into sex addiction. With its attendant secrecy, lies, and resultant lack of trust, sex addiction can lead to extra-marital affairs and broken, dysfunctional families. I know, because ours was nearly broken, and it took the threat of me leaving to finally bring my husband to his senses.
Young boys cannot even escape from sex by watching the music channels, which again are often depicting scantily clad women. I see my poor granddaughters too young to know what sex is all about, dancing about suggestively whilst trying to copy what they’re seeing on MTV. It’s actually horrible to watch.
Speaking from the experience several years ago of watching a loved one trying to kick a long-time porn habit which started in his early teenage years, I found out from a counsellor that a sex addiction is the hardest one to kick, as it always makes the victim feel so good at the time. I was also surprised to discover that it takes at least 18 months for a sex addict’s brain to re-wire back to normal after deciding to stop looking at or reading porn.
On the news most nights there’s yet another sex scandal involving people very high up in authority who should be setting an example. The older I get the more saddened I am by the corruption and double standards going on by so-called ‘pillars of society’, especially when vulnerable and innocent children are involved. It makes me wonder just who on earth we can trust?
One of the books picked out as a suggested read for a book club I used to belong to showed me just how far these double standards go. When I left the book club I carried on reading it, as it’s a true story and really shocking. Although it’s true I still have difficulty getting my head around the fact that something like this happened in 1960’s England, and so I’ve decided to give it a shout-out.
In the 1960’s a young boy from a very wealthy background was placed in good faith by his parents into an expensive private boys’ school. With the headmaster’s knowledge (who assured the boy the school would deny everything and start lawsuits if he spoke out against them) he was initiated with his consent into a secret society. Boys belonging to this group were instructed by mentors on how to please men sexually, and then flown out to the Middle East for 3 months at a time to provide sex for wealthy men able to shower the boys and the school with many gifts and wads of cash. If their parents wanted to come and visit them at the school then they would be flown back at a moment’s notice. Monies earned were paid into Swiss bank accounts set up by the school for each boy.
The author of the book was a willing participant, but was only 13 at the time! Would you want this for your son? Is it still going on today? Who knows? My opinion is that it probably is. What do you think?
When I first started writing I was told to ‘sex it up a bit’, as sex sells. I must admit, writing about an activity which to me is best done behind closed doors is difficult, but by the time I got around to my 9th book ‘Revenge’ I was finding it a little easier, although I still like to leave a lot to the reader’s imagination and prefer to omit the ‘nitty gritty’. Also, when it comes to the amount of sex we see on TV and in films, I am still of the opinion that less is more. Society in general has taken a natural human function, stripped it of all emotion, and has sent it off to hell in a handcart. Rant over, of course I’m not against sex between two loving, consenting adults in private, but I say for goodness’ sake keep it private! I don’t want to know anything about it! Let’s have some long-lost decorum and modesty in public!
What does P.J MacLayne think about sex? A computer geek by day and a writer by night, P.J. MacLayne grew up in the rolling hills of Pennsylvania and sets much of her writing in that landscape. She currently lives in the shadow of the Rocky Mountains. You can check out her Amazon author page here http://www.amazon.com/P.J.-MacLayne/e/B00HVE8WZI/ and her blogs here http://pjmaclayne.blogspot.co.uk/
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olganm said:
I meant I don’t enjoy reading or writing sex scenes…
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olganm said:
I don’t reading nor writing sex scenes, but each to his or her own. There’s a lot of people writing in that genre so I don’t think I need to.
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Stevie Turner said:
I agree. I try not to most of the time, but sometimes the story calls for it.
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P. J. MacLayne said:
I suspect that different “populations” of readers prefer/don’t prefer the nitty-gritty of sex in their books. Getting your books into the hands of the “right” readers is the constant challenge!
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Stevie Turner said:
Yes. I work on the principle that you can’t please all the people all the time.
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K. Williams said:
I was terrified that someone was going to tell me to sex up my books! I think less is more and I was more about the relationships between the people, the plots and the settings than anything else. Also, I knew my family would want to read the books and the idea of family and friends reading sex scenes I wrote turned me red. I learned a gracious way to deal with it in my first books, but my series, I grew quite a bit more daring.
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Stevie Turner said:
I agree it gets easier to write about as time goes on, but like you I’m more interested in the plot. I used a pseudonym straight from the beginning, as The Porn Detective is loosely based on what I had to go through with my husband. So far my family and friends have no idea that I write books at all!
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tkrimms said:
Interesting post I don’t mind it in books as long as it’s not there for the sake of being there.
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Stevie Turner said:
Yes, sometimes I’m sure it’s just there to fill out the word count. Some books I’ve had to review in the past leave me feeling as though I need a bath……
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aurorawatcherak said:
I mostly agree. I actually personally like sex with my husband in the privacy of our bedroom and that’s all I’m saying about it.
Men and women cheat differently because of our different cerebral structures — men are more visual, which is why they gravitate to photos and films, and women are more imaginative, which is why erotic novels are their porn. I worked for a community mental health center for 15 years and saw a lot of destroyed marriages because of the indulgence of either or both spouses. I don’t think it’s just that it becomes an obsession that is more alluring than the real thing with the flesh-and-blood you’re married to. I think the very act of indulging in porn/erotica is cheating and deprives a marriage of vitality and love.
I have sex in my books. I try to depict reality in a fantasy world and sex is and always has been a part of society. Harlots play a key role in my series. But the sex is referenced, not described. That sort of models my view of sex — it should take place in private spaces without an audience and without apology for it.
There’s a family story of my grandparents getting caught kissing in the spring house. They were in their late 50s by that time. The grandchild who caught them was incredibly embarrassed. He remarked that he didn’t think of them as having sex, to which Grandma quipped “We have six children. How did you think that happened?”
And that’s the model I try to adhere to in my personal life and my books.
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Stevie Turner said:
Great reply. Thanks. My in-laws had 5 children. Sex was never, ever mentioned in the house at all, and it never has been all the 35 years I’ve known them. I always wonder if that’s the reason my husband had a porn addiction!
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PJ Fiala said:
Sorry you’ve had to deal with this Stevie, but I give you credit for sticking it out and spending the necessary energy it takes to work through a tough spot like that. Congratulations for being one of a few who would do that.
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Stevie Turner said:
Thanks Patti. Yes it was tough at the time, but we have a much better relationship now. No secrets, no lies, and now I actually trust him!
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Richard G Lowe Jr said:
Very interesting read. I have struggled with the question of whether or not to “sex up” my novels as well. (Indies Unlimited sent me.)
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Stevie Turner said:
Thanks Richard. ‘Sex’ was this week’s subject on the Open Book Blog Hop. I would rather not ‘sex up’ my novels, but I think readers prefer it. If you’d like to join the hop, the link usually opens about 6pm (UK time) to add a similar blog. Nice to meet you!
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Richard G Lowe Jr said:
nice to meet you also. I am unfamiliar with the term “blog hop” but it sounds like fun.
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Stevie Turner said:
It is. There’s always a different subject every week. There’s a Facebook group that I can add you to if you like, and then you’ll have information about what the next subject is.
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Richard G Lowe Jr said:
Please do add me. https://www.facebook.com/richardlowejr and send a friend request if you like. I’m also on linkedin https://www.linkedin.com/in/richardlowejr and would welcome a connection request.
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Stevie Turner said:
You’re added pending admin approval. Happy blogging!
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