‘Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention…….’
So sang Frank, and so to some extent, sing all of us I expect. You cannot get to my age without wondering how life might have played out if you had taken an altered path here, or made a different choice there. I’ve got some regrets, but not enough to spoil the life I eventually chose for myself. I’m going to list them here in no particular order. Maybe you might have similar regrets, or a whole tome of your own to publish!
I regret not having more children. My eldest son was hyperactive and hard work. There were years when both sons fought like cat and dog every day, and at the time I couldn’t envisage ever having the energy or the inclination to go through the months of sleepless nights with a third baby while still trying to keep the eldest boy under control. Sam said he’d rather cut it off with a rusty breadknife than go through the early baby years again, and so we stayed with the 2 we already had.
I regret not following the arts more at school. I struggled with Maths, Physics and Chemistry for years, not realising at the time that I’d never have the talent to become a doctor. Now I know my brain was more wired towards Creative Writing, Art and Music. My parents told me I’d never make a living with the arts, and to concentrate on the sciences. However, unfortunately I never made a living with the sciences either!
I regret turning a blind eye for so long to Sam’s addictions to porn and alcohol. If I had lived true to myself as I do now, then our problems would have been sorted out years ago. We’ve had 5 lovely years with no addictions at all, and I’ve got back the man I married in 1980, albeit older, wiser, but now rather guilt-ridden I think. However, our issues helped me to get started on a writing career in my early fifties, and so some good came out of it.
I regret never having a proper mother-daughter relationship with my own mother. She’s 91 now and has always been very difficult to get along with. I care for her now out of a sense of duty. ‘Nuff said.
I regret not going to university and studying for a degree in English. My mother always told me that ‘people like me didn’t go to university’, and it was just for doctors, lawyers and teachers. When I see some of the subjects that students can study at university these days, I realise I was born in the wrong time.
I regret not having any brothers and sisters, but as I can’t do anything about it, it’s not worth going into that one.
I regret sometimes being too strict with my eldest son, but he was the proverbial handful, and when I see the successful man he has become today, I tell myself that perhaps it was all for the best.
So, all these are my main regrets, but what’s yours?