On Sunday I visited my mother in her new care home, who seems to be settling in well. She likes the roast lunches that the home has delivered in on Sundays, but tends to eat them alone in her own flat. In order to get her out and mingling with the other residents, I suggested that she asked the carers to take her lunch to the dining room instead. She agreed, but only if I ordered a lunch and ate with her.
So it was that Stevie, feeling suddenly quite youthful at 58, sat eating roast pork last Sunday in the main dining room of the care home. On our table apart from Mum, 92, was Norma aged 96, and Joyce, aged 104. Joyce, I soon realised, must have been born in the year that the Titanic sank! I was amazed at this lady; she still had all her marbles, although could not see or hear very well. She sat in a wheelchair next to Mum.
After we had all introduced ourselves, the carers brought round the lunches. Joyce looked at me and the conversation went something like this:
Joyce: Is there any meat on my plate?
Me: Er…yes, there’s a few slices of pork.
Joyce: Get rid of it. They never listen!
Me: What do you want me to do with it?
Joyce: Pick it out and put it on another plate. Give it to somebody else!
Me: Don’t you eat meat, then?
Joyce : Never touch the stuff! Why do you think I’ve lived so long?
I smiled at Joyce and did as she asked, but that leaves the question “Does being a vegetarian make you live any longer?” Mum, eager than most to die and escape from a body which no longer obeys her commands, has eaten meat all her life and is still living at 92, so there could be many reasons why Joyce hasn’t succumbed to disease and old age. Good genes inherited from healthy long-living parents may have something to do with it, but then again a healthy diet also plays a large part in longevity. Too much processed meat, saturated fat and a high-sugar diet means that successive generations might die younger than elderly people who have coped with a frugal wartime diet and years of food rationing.
A.J Cronin in his Keys of the Kingdom novel writes a great phrase for his main protagonist – ‘Eat less – the gates of heaven are narrow.’ Maybe he’s right!
What do you consider is the key to a long and healthy life? Mum thinks she’s lived so long because of the small glass of sherry she’s had every evening for the past 40 years since Dad died. Poor old Dad checked out at 49, but had worked for years in a chrome-plating factory as a young man, where his overalls rotted within months due to the chemicals used there. His brother, who had worked there all his life, died at exactly the same age as Dad. We are not only what we eat (and drink?), but also what environment we live in and work in. Perhaps Joyce has just been lucky…who knows?
Added to this is the question of whether you would want to live to 104 if your senses were diminished and you were either bed-bound or confined to a wheelchair. However, Joyce didn’t seem particularly unhappy with her life. Dad and his brother were spared the perils of ageing, but never got to meet their grandchildren or great-grandchildren. Who’s had the best lot in life out of Mum, Dad, or Joyce? There’s a question!
Bernadette said:
I love the quote about the gates of heaven. I think my attitude about aging and dying is I want to die healthy. I guess that would be everyone’s wish. But if you can die healthy you probably can keep your independence and your interest in the world. I think diet and exercise are very important but sometimes environmental issues and just plain bad genes will overcome all efforts.
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Stevie Turner said:
Very true. Eating a healthy diet helps, but genes have a lot to answer for!
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Karuna said:
My mother died at 72 and my father at 81. My aunt lived into her 90’s I think. I know I have no interest in living to 104, although I suppose that could change. I’m almost 68 now so I also know I want to live beyond 72!
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Stevie Turner said:
And when you get to 72, you think…well, it’s not so bad. I’ll carry on!
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Karuna said:
My mother had cancer on and off from the time I was 16 so my life has been very different from hers. But still that age sticks in my mind. When I reached 45 and hadn’t had cancer I had my first evidence that I probably wasn’t going to follow that part of her path.
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joanneeddy said:
Stevie, So glad your Mom is at least starting to settle in. This aging concept is not for the faint of heart. Wish I could be sure which genes I inherited. My dad lived to 94 and my mom only to (almost) 77 (though she smoked like a chimney, got breast cancer, and didn’t quit even then!) Fate or destiny may also play a part….My mother died two weeks before her 77th birthday. Her mother died two weeks before her 77th birthday. I tell my husband if I make it to my 77th birthday, I may just live forever! If so….it will be because of the glass of red wine I drink daily…or I hope so, lol! Though I do think a positive attitude, keeping up physical activity, and good nutrition help…again, I hope so! Jo
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Stevie Turner said:
Good nutrition and a positive attitude helps definitely, but we have to fight our genes. My dad, his brother and myself were all diagnosed with cancer at the age of 47. I’ve told my sons to be extra watchful when they get to their late forties.
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joanneeddy said:
I agree. Both my kids are early 40s, and do watch their health, take vitamins and supplements and my son is especially fit. But I agree that is when things begin to change in our bodies and since we can’t change our genes we do have to fight them, the diabetes in my husband’s family and cancer from my mom’s side.
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Darlene said:
My mom, at 87, is one of the youngest in her nursing home as well. I have had a couple of meals with her too. Unfortunately, she is immobile but is still fairly sharp. I don´t eat meat and hopefully, should I ever be in a care home, they don´t put it on my plate. They wouldn´t give pork to the Jewish or Muslin residents, why would they give meat to a vegetarian? Not sure why some live for a long time and others don´t. The important thing is the time spent on earth is a good time.
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Stevie Turner said:
Hear hear!
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Léa said:
My great-aunt, Irene, lived well past 101. On her hundredth birthday, one of her grandsons surprised her in a special and humorous way. A woman who lived with her young husband’s suicide and six small children to feed during a depression has to be tough. She was. At times, she work three jobs at once taking the children with her. In the evening, she enjoyed a shot of Jack Daniels with a few cubes of ice. On her special day she had received a birthday greeting from the company who make the popular whisky along with a gift certificate for a gallon of the liquor. She laughed so hard and said that she would be around awhile as she intended to finish every drop. Since she lived on her small social security pension (generously supplemented by her six children) her budget was tight. Some of the younger great-grandchildren pooled their resources and gift wrapped a package containing 100 single dollar bills. Believe me, she is missed!
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Stevie Turner said:
She sounds a special lady. You were lucky to have known her.
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Léa said:
Indeed! Alas, I wish I had known her sooner. We were no allowed any contact with my father’s family so I only found her about six years before she died. I was grateful for each day.
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franklparker said:
I consider myself fortunate, at 74 going on 75, that I am in reasonable physical shape apart from a bit of arthritis in the joints, and have all my mental faculties (although I often find myself struggling to find the right word, but then, don’t we all!)
Dad was killed in the war. Mum made it to just short of her 88th birthday. Her second husband to almost 91. He worked outdoors all his life, farm work then rural highways maintenance + casual farm work. Mum’s arthritis immobilised her in her last few years which meant she put on weight and became diabetic. But her mind remained active and she always had a library book in her hands. I wish she’d lived long enough to read one of mine – maybe I should have started writing sooner.
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Stevie Turner said:
Who knows, perhaps she can see every word you write.
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mariaholm said:
Both my parents were affected by environment as a reason for their deaths. My mother was educated at a chemistry before and during the war making many of the pills herself and my father was exposed to poisonous exhumes at at factory during the war. My mother died from cancer in her cerebellum and his brain was damaged in the end. But they lived very healthily but that couldn’t help them enough. I am glad we know more about the poisonous things in the environment.
I have been very affected by the amalgam put in my teeth as a child and I have spent a lot of money to have it changed with porcelain
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Stevie Turner said:
I have the same problems with amalgam. My dentist doesn’t use it anymore, and does white fillings instead. Slowly I’m having the amalgam replaced. After all, it’s a form of mercury I think!
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mariaholm said:
Yes it is and I have felt more healthy from the time is was being removed it was in the 1990s
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Joyful2bee said:
Good question. Both of my parents, grandmothers (died about 90 years old, and aunt, still alive at 92 all had dementia or Alzheimer’s. I don’t mind getting old if I can keep my faculties and not be a burden to my kids. It is expensive here to be put in a retirement home. So I am taking as good care of myself as I can now in the hopes that it will pay off later.
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Stevie Turner said:
My father in law and all his 3 sisters had dementia before they died, but their bodies were relatively free from arthritis and pain. On the other hand my mother in law has all her marbles but is almost immobile with osteoporosis and arthritis. Perhaps it’s due to the genes we inherit?
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robjodiefilogomo said:
Such profound questions today Stevie….the human body is quite amazing and yet a mystery at the same time.
Sure we could talk about the food & environment, but what about the young kids that get cancer?
It seems like some people’s bodies are able to adapt to certain stimuli/challenges better than others.
But I’m not sure if I want to live so long—-there’s always a good & bad to each option, yet we don’t hold all the controls either!!
jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
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Stevie Turner said:
Maybe it all comes down to inherited good genes. Thanks for your comment Jodie.
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lisaorchard1 said:
Glad to hear your Mom is settling in. I think the secret to a long life is staying away from sugar and preservatives. Hard to do, since the food industry adds both of these to our processed foods. I’m trying to stay away from processed foods as much as possible. It’s hard to do, though.
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Stevie Turner said:
Sugar should be a banned substance like Class A drugs! It’s terribly addictive and does us no good whatsoever.
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lisaorchard1 said:
I agree, Stevie!
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Clive said:
The trite phrase ‘age is just a number’ springs to mind! But there is some sense in it – what does the number matter if the quality of life is good and, most importantly, we are enjoying what we do and welcome every new day that dawns?
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Stevie Turner said:
Yes, that’s the key – to have a good quality of life and enjoy being alive.
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Sue Vincent said:
Many of the women in my family have lived very long lives. Some few have not enjoyed the latter years. Most of them have. Geat Aunt Annie-Beatrice was a flirt in shocking pink well into her nineties. One Great Granny was blind and arthritic with awicked sense of humour… the other felt eighteen till she died. I wouldn’t want to live beyond my usefulness, but I don’t know that we can ever decide for ourselves just what ‘useful’ is.
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Stevie Turner said:
I suppose being able to look after ourselves and live independently. Mum has her own flat, but now has an army of carers and myself running about doing all the things she used to do.
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Sue Vincent said:
With my son’s story being what it is, I know that being able to live independently is a big deal… but even when he can’t, that doesn’t alter his joy in living.
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jenanita01 said:
I used to think I would live forever, and it is beginning to look as though I might. (I’m 72!) There is a lot wrong with me these days, so living is becoming uncomfortable to say the least. Maybe it’s not such a great idea after all!
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Stevie Turner said:
I have the first pangs of ageing at 58. Good luck with living forever, at least you’ll get to write a lot of books!
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jenanita01 said:
if the eyesight holds out…
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ellenbest24 said:
I have met people in their sixties who have lost hope and will to live and people as bright and switched on as a youngster in their nineties; life is a lottery. Aging can be beautiful if the marble jar is pretty full. If the jar empties at whatever age … the person concerned doesn’t know about it.
Health both mental and physical are the things that make the difference not years alone. Thank you for the post I hope her life still blossoms 😉😇
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Stevie Turner said:
Yes, we have to try and look after our ageing bodies as best we can. We don’t know how long we’re going to need them for!
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Katrina said:
Glad to hear your mum is settling in and it’s a thought-provoking blog post. Most of my family were spared the perils of ageing and my mum, about to be 80, will be the first of her family to hit this milestone, not old at all by today’s standards. My husband’s family, on the other hand, are long-lived. Apart from the obvious difference in demographics (I come from a long line of Yorkshire miners, my husband from middle class Home Counties), I notice that his mum and aunt, now 86 and 90, have more natural curiosity than mine. They’re interested in everything, and that makes them seem younger. Having said that, his aunt has age-related macular degeneration and her vision is poor, she’s partially deaf and has lost her sense of taste and smell after a fall, so I’m not sure longevity is such a good thing ….
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Stevie Turner said:
I think it all comes down to if you’re happy with your lot in life and have accepted your body’s frailties as you age. As they say – life is what you make it, and I’m trying to live by that little motto. Wanting desperately to be 16 when we’re 90 is going to make us and everybody around us terribly miserable!
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