The chance has come up for us to buy a new retirement bungalow on the Isle of Wight. It hasn’t been built yet, but plots are being reserved already on a gated complex. The proposed bungalow is in our price range, near to amenities, and in a place that we love and which is familiar to us. It’s for over 45s, so we’ve just about scraped in (lol)!
It’s a bit of a quandary, as I’d dearly love to move there, lock, stock and barrel, and so would Sam. However, our sons would then live 200 miles away from us, and could only visit us if they pay a costly ferry trip and then pay for somewhere to stay overnight. We could of course travel and visit them, but as the years go on and we become older, then it might not be feasible for us to do this anymore.
Would you go, or would you stay close to your children? We don’t really want to burden our sons with looking after us in our dotage, as they are busy at work and have more than enough to do every day. One son is a general manager of a company, and another is a regional manager of a national company and has just applied for the next step up the managerial ladder, which will be one step below director level. So as you can see, both sons will not sitting around waiting to attend to our every need. Nor would we expect our daughters-in-law to care for us, as they have their own parents to worry about.
Of course we would miss them and their families hugely. Just how much we would miss them we’re not able to tell at the moment, as we see them quite regularly. Both of them live in Suffolk; one son only lives 3 miles from us. We could probably visit them quite frequently at the moment, but as I said before, this might not be possible in times to come.
I’d love to know what you would do! Even better, have any of you had direct experience of moving away from your children in your later years? Do you still think it was/is a good idea?
I would 100% go. It’s your time with Sam to enjoy where you seem to be happiest. I’m sure your kids will be eager to visit. Go! 🙂 x
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Cheers Debby. x
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We have lived away from our families for several years, Stevie. I think you have a good deal and if it were us, we would not pass that up! We are in Northern California and 4 of 5 adult kids are in San Diego. I know so many folks move to be closer to their kids, but what if they get a job offer somewhere else? I refuse to chase after my nomadic children! In fact, within the next 3 years, we are moving north to Washington State where my hubby’s two brothers and their families live–we can all retire together. We will still all be on the west coast and a short plane ride away! Good luck, I’m sure you will make the best decision for you and your family.
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Thanks Terri.
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Life’s too short. Follow your heart. With Skype and other modern technology, you and your children can visit each other without traveling. If the time comes when you need care, it won’t matter whether your children are near or far. It’ll be tough either way. So, do what you want, and enjoy yourselves.
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Thanks Abbie. Yes, the wonders of Skype can bring families together that live apart.
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That is a big dilemma. We bought our current house 15 years ago as soon as Cyberpouse had done his 30 years in the Met. Daughter, younger son and nephew were all living with us near Heathrow, older son in the RAF. So we could go anywhere because who knew where they would end up? I had ideas of island living but knew it made us inaccessible for elderly relatives etc. They are all quite far away but we can fit 6 adults and 4 children – with a lot of rearranging! There’s no easy answer because family can.end up anywhere in the world and you should live somewhere you love
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Wise words. Thank you.
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Like the others I wan’t tell yhou what to do – iny you know what’s right for yiu and Sam and the boys. But you asked for other’s experience in this regard.
We moved away from both sets of parents as I followed a career path that took me away. Our son moved to Ireland with his Irish wife, seeking better education opportunities for their daughter. When I retired we decided to follow them to be able to see her growing up.
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Thanks Frank.
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The only advice I can give is that you should ignore every piece of advice and do what feels right for you and your family. Your hearts will tell you what that is far better than anyone else could.
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Lol – you’re right, Clive. I just thought it might be interesting to read somebody else’s experience.
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Fair play. I just thought that only you and Sam would know what’s best for you, whatever we all tell you to do 😊
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Of course. We’ll have a look at the complex when we’re next over there in a few weeks’ time.
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Good luck, hope it goes well for you.
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Thanks Clive.
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I would not move far away from my parents and I would not want them moving far away either. I don’t think it is necessarily a case of having someone to look after you, that shouldn’t be an expectation by parents of their children. It is about family and loneliness. When you are older, it is easy to become very lonely if you are far away from your children. Out of sight out of mind and I believe that family is everything and should endevour to stay together. My thoughts based on my experiences with our Grat Granny of 98, my aunt of 85 and my mom of 81.
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PS, also one partner sometimes passes unexpectedly, which leaves the other all alone.
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Thanks Robbie. Yes, you definitely have a point there.
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There are times when I would welcome moving to the ends of the earth, just for some peace and quiet, but it doesn’t last long. In the end, we must do what we feel comfortable with, for anything else just won’t work…
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Too true. Thanks for your comment.
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Well, we moved to Spain. Thousands of miles and an ocean between kids and grandkids. Of course, I miss them but they have their own lives. The grandkids will grow up and move wherever jobs, spouses, interests take them. Social media has kept us close and I go to visit them once a year. It is too expensive for them to come here but one day they might. All I can say is that life is short and you should do what makes you happy. No one knows about tomorrow. xo
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Thank you Darlene. This is good advice for sure.
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We bought 10 acres in Washington peninsula years ago anticipated to build the retirement home. I didn’t like having the closest neighbor 10 acres away. So we sold it.
Now I live in California and my only daughter lives in Oregon, 1,000 miles away and two hours of flight. I go to see my granddaughter every 6 weeks, but it’s killing me not to see her every day.
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Do you think you’ll move nearer your daughter in the future?
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I run a small business where I am. I would have to close it down if I move now. Yes, I may move near my daughter in the future.
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I don’t feel comfortable telling you what you should do; only you can make that decision. The closest thing I can compare this scenario to was when our son moved halfway across the country to follow his dream of coaching college football. Of course, we don’t see him nearly enough. We went for six months without seeing his face, which seemed far too long. On the other hand, knowing he’s happy makes up for missing him. Maybe your sons will feel the same way.
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Thanks Pete.
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