Some bright spark has decreed that because of the Coronavirus there is going to be a shortage of toilet paper.  I read that men in Australia are actually fighting in the shops over the last roll on the shelf.  This morning when I went to the supermarket there were hardly any packets of toilet rolls left, and what’s more, men who I presume are usually at work, were already leaving carrying as many packets of toilet paper as they could.  The strongest and fittest of the species obviously gets the most toilet paper.

This caused me to compose a little ditty, which I’ve added below:

TOILET PAPER BLUES, BY STEVIE TURNER

Oh me, oh my

What shall we do?

There’s a crisis

Due to Coronavirus.

 

There’s no hand sanitisers

Or hand wash too,

And there’ll be a problem

When we sit on the loo.

 

A siege mentality

Has gripped the country,

I’d sell my soul

For a little bit of bog roll.

 

I rush to the shops

But all hope is wilted.

They’re carrying out armfuls

Of Andrex Quilted.

 

I make straight for the shelf

No toilet paper left.

One chap holds

The last sixteen rolls.

 

“I want some of those”

I say, “It’s no fun

“That you have sixteen

And I have none”.

 

“That’s tough.”  He replies,

“You know what to do,

Cut up newspaper

Like your granny used to do.”

 

Back then in the Fifties

Your arse wasn’t tattooed

With all the print

From yesterday’s news.

 

I look on Ebay

It’s not very nice,

Bog rolls are selling

For quadruple the price.

 

So there you have it

What a caper …

Hope you can find

Any toilet paper!


Image by Alexas_Fotos from Pixabay

Advertisement