Welcome to this week’s blog hop. This time the subject is:
May 4 2020 is the unofficial Star Wars Day. What other days should be recognised as holidays but aren’t?
That’s easy. These holidays should be applied to any or all months of the year (except the 31st, as you will discover):
- The 1st of any month should be ‘Impecunious Self-Published Authors Day‘. This is when the nation is forced to buy an Indie book, whether they want to or not.
- The 2nd of any month should be ‘Throw a Rotten Tomato at a Greedy Small Publisher‘. This is self-explanatory and should be adhered to most religiously.
- The 3rd of any month should be a ‘Name and Shame all Marketing Company Workers Posing as Judges in Writing Competitions Day’.
- The 4th of any month is ‘Gaze out the Window and Gain Inspiration Day‘. Writers need to sit in their most comfortable armchair, gaze outside at tree branches moving in the wind, and think about a plot for their next bestseller.
- The 5th of any month is ‘Love and Kindness Day‘. This is when everybody has to do something nice for somebody else.
- The 6th of any month is ‘Hug a Tree‘ day. Trees get pissed off too, because some arseholes are always trying to chop them down. Everybody needs to stand in non-isolating groups around the trunk of a ginormous tree and hug the hell out of it.
- The 7th of any month is ‘Read Only Day‘. This ensures writers get to sample somebody else’s writing other than their own.
- The 8th of any month is ‘I Don’t Give a Shit Day‘. It’s okay to sit around in your PJs, read, dream, and generally do nothing.
- The 9th of any month is ‘Turn off all mobile phones Day‘. This will help your concentration when trying to finish that book ready for number 10.
- The 10th of any month is ‘Review What You’ve Read Day‘. Everyone must leave an online review of the book they’ve just read.
- The 11th of any month is ‘Turn off the TV Day‘. It’s time to find a new hobby that doesn’t involve slouching and goggling.
- The 12th of any month is ‘Reflections Day‘. Time to muse on the direction your life is taking, whether you are happy in your job (who wouldn’t be with all these holidays?), and how you can make changes if you are dissatisfied.
- The 13th of any month is ‘Get Off Your Arse and Exercise Day‘. It’s time to shake the nation’s booty after all that reflecting.
- The 14th of any month is ‘Teach a Child to Read Day‘. Any child. Pick one up as long as its mother doesn’t mind, and stick a book under its nose.
- The 15th of any month is ‘Hug your Partner/Child/Dog and Tell Them You Love Them Day.‘ Try it and see what happens.
- The 16th of any month is ‘Leave the Car at Home Day‘. Now… this is an especially lovely day!
- The 17th of any month is ‘Visit A Shop in Your High Street that Is Not a Coffee Shop or a Phone Shop Day‘. Everyone needs to do this if the shops ever open again (and hopefully buy something) before they’ve all gone for good.
- The 18th of any month is ‘Acceptance Day’. This is for accepting who you are, and who anybody else is, and getting over it for the good of mankind.
- The 19th of any month is ‘Banned Words Day’. These words include ‘Coronavirus’, ‘Unprecedented’, ‘Lock-Down’, and ‘Brexit’. Add any other words you can think of.
- The 20th of any month is ‘Visit the Van Day‘. This is when all those who have caravans can have a few days off to visit them, especially caravans that are situated on the Isle of Wight.
- The 21st of any month is ‘Sit on the Beach Day‘. Those, especially those who have caravans on the Isle of Wight, can sit in peace on the beach and watch the waves.
- The 22nd of any month is ‘Sit on Your Decking in the Sun and Drink Tea Day‘. Caravan owners will especially enjoy this day. A barbeque might also be undertaken at the same time.
- The 23rd of any month is ‘Women Only Allowed in Swimming Pools Day‘. This gives women a day off from all men that race up and down lanes using the front crawl stroke and with their heads down so that everyone else has to get out of the way.
- The 24th of any month is ‘Visit an Elderly Person and Make Their Day‘. This includes listening to them talking incessantly about the old days and learning at least one thing from it.
- The 25th of any month is ‘Disinfection Day‘. This is when we spray ourselves (do not ingest!), our living and working (if anybody is there) areas and a ten mile radius surrounding each one with Dettol in the hope of dissuading Cyrus the Virus to land anywhere near us.
- The 26th of any month should be ‘Attend a Music Festival Day‘. People, now suitably disinfected, can sit on their self-isolating rug in a field, listen to loud rock music and set their souls free.
- The 27th of any month should be another ‘Impecunious Self-Published Authors Day‘. This is when the nation is forced to buy another Indie book, and hey, why the hell not? After all, they’ve only bought one so far.
- The 28th of any month should be ‘Applaud our Health Workers Day’. We should clap all day for all those who actually want to treat clap or other noxious diseases.
- The 29th of any month should be a ‘Let’s comb Boris Johnson’s Hair’ day, ready for next month.
- The 30th of any month (or whenever there is a Saturday) is ‘No Football Day‘. Football is banned and all football commentators are gagged. No ifs or buts.
- The 31st of any month should be ‘Let’s Actually Work on This Day and Make Some Money for our Employers‘. After all, they have been very generous with our holiday allowance so far. Of course this only applies to months that contain 31 days.
Which holidays spring to other blog-hoppers’ minds? Click on the blue button below to find out, or even add a comment.
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