Some bright spark has decreed that because of the Coronavirus there is going to be a shortage of toilet paper. I read that men in Australia are actually fighting in the shops over the last roll on the shelf. This morning when I went to the supermarket there were hardly any packets of toilet rolls left, and what’s more, men who I presume are usually at work, were already leaving carrying as many packets of toilet paper as they could. The strongest and fittest of the species obviously gets the most toilet paper.
This caused me to compose a little ditty, which I’ve added below:
TOILET PAPER BLUES, BY STEVIE TURNER
Oh me, oh my
What shall we do?
There’s a crisis
Due to Coronavirus.
There’s no hand sanitisers
Or hand wash too,
And there’ll be a problem
When we sit on the loo.
A siege mentality
Has gripped the country,
I’d sell my soul
For a little bit of bog roll.
I rush to the shops
But all hope is wilted.
They’re carrying out armfuls
Of Andrex Quilted.
I make straight for the shelf
No toilet paper left.
One chap holds
The last sixteen rolls.
“I want some of those”
I say, “It’s no fun
“That you have sixteen
And I have none”.
“That’s tough.” He replies,
“You know what to do,
Cut up newspaper
Like your granny used to do.”
Back then in the Fifties
Your arse wasn’t tattooed
With all the print
From yesterday’s news.
I look on Ebay
It’s not very nice,
Bog rolls are selling
For quadruple the price.
So there you have it
What a caper …
Hope you can find
Any toilet paper!
Image by Alexas_Fotos from Pixabay
Geri said:
Very whimsical and true. Thanks for spreading some laughter during this time.
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Stevie Turner said:
You’re welcome.
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Sarah Matheson said:
Thanks for the light-hearted poem! You def win the award for originality! And in case anyone’s still looking for toilet paper… check the non-mainstream stores 🙂
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Stevie Turner said:
Thanks Sarah, sorry I’ve only just seen this as it went to my spam folder. I eventually found some toilet paper at last!
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petespringerauthor said:
We’ve had our first death in California this week, and the hand sanitizer is flying off the shelves. Some stores are setting limits on how many of certain products people can buy.
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Stevie Turner said:
None of us have any immunity to this one. It’s a bit scary, isn’t it?
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Phil Huston said:
!!! I didn’t know it would poop us to death!!
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Stevie Turner said:
If we’re not eating because we feel ill, then I expect the bog rolls will not even be needed?
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Adele Marie said:
Oh, my Lord, Stevie, this is so true. Becca went to the supermarket today and managed to get our usual toilet paper cache, but the shelves were nearly empty. She recommends going to B and M store if you have one They have pallets of toilet paper but don’t tell the menfolk. xxx
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Stevie Turner said:
Thanks Adele. We do have a B&M in Bury St Edmunds.
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robertawrites235681907 said:
Haha, Stevie, the whole world has gone mad. We have a case here now and you can’t get hand sanitizer for love or money.
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Stevie Turner said:
Nor here either. My usual supermarket had no handwash and no sanitiser and virtually no toilet rolls. There’s only 11 people in the East of England with the virus so far.
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robertawrites235681907 said:
Crazy, isn’t it.
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Stevie Turner said:
Yep.
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Dorinda Duclos said:
Here in the states it’s bottled water. I truly wish the media would learn how to handle a crisis. They make everyone believe it’s the end of the world!!
Hope you found your rolls!! lol
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Stevie Turner said:
Yes, the media do make it worse, as they thrive on sensationalism. People start to panic, and the shops empty faster than you can say Coronavirus.
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Stevie Turner said:
Is the tap water not safe to drink?
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Dorinda Duclos said:
Right now it is, but who knows what other crazy notion they’ll come up with regarding safety with this virus…
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franklparker said:
Chuckles. I still don’t understand why toilet rolls are selling out – there is to my knowlege no tummy problem associated with Covid19. Are people using it in stead of tissues?
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Stevie Turner said:
It’s bizarre, isn’t it? Who started this rumour I wonder?
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Dorinda Duclos said:
It has to do with being quarantined. That’s why people are stocking up.
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Stevie Turner said:
But they are the ones causing a shortage! There should be some kind of rationing so that everyone has an equal chance of buying some. Our supermarket did this a while back when there was a shortage of broccoli, so perhaps they’ll need to do it again. After all, we’re all going to be in the same boat so to speak.
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Dorinda Duclos said:
Yes, bu that makes sense, Stevie. There is no common sense in people who choose to panic instead of actually listen to the folks who know what’s happening. All they needed to hear was pandemic, and all hell broke loose.
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