I saw this question on Quora and thought I’d tell you of how a couple my friend knew settled their differences:
After 1.5 years trying to reconcile after my wife’s 5 year affair, we are ending our 20-year marriage. Despite two teenage kids and her being a stay-at-home mom, I think she had the affair, she should be the one to go. She disagrees. Who’s right?
The couple my friend knew were in a similar situation. The wife had been a stay-at-home-mum and was the one who’d had the affair. The affair was over, and she was trying to get her marriage back on track for the sake of the children. However, the husband was bitter and told his wife to go.
Where could she go? The wife had not worked for at least 15 years, as she had been at home caring for their teenage children. Hating to be a burden on her elderly parents, she told her husband she wanted half of everything; the house, furniture and savings, in order to gain enough money to be independent while looking for a job. The mortgage was paid, and both their names were on the deeds of the house. He refused to leave the house or sell it, or file for divorce. He opened up a bank account in his name and transferred their savings into it.
In my opinion the wife’s request is justified. Although the wife had not worked outside the home, she had still run their household finances, cared for the home, and looked after the children sufficiently well for the husband to concentrate on his career without any worries. A hot meal would be waiting for him every night, the children’s lives were organised, and all he had to do was go to work and bring the money home that would benefit his family.
Anyway, the arguments escalated until one day the husband flipped. When his wife was out he fired up a chainsaw and cut every single piece of furniture in the house in half, telling his wife that now she could have her half of everything and be happy. She fled with the children to her parents’ house, who helped with finances until she found employment. After the required number of years of separation she was allowed to file for divorce and gain access to half the money that should have rightly been hers in the first place.
What a sad tale, eh? The trouble is, both parties think they are right. If one of them has had an affair, then the other will be jealous, bitter, twisted and unwilling to give the other one what they want. If only the above warring parties could have taken emotion out of the equation, then they might have had a table to sit at and talk reasonably about what was going to be the best outcome for themselves and their children.
My grandfather had affair after affair in the 1960s and wanted a divorce. However, my grandmother stuck her heels in and always refused to grant him his wish. It was ever thus…